Discovery of Self

As a kid growing up, I never envisioned that I would be on the journey that I am on now. I wanted to be an attorney not a boutique owner. A day in court changed my entire life…..The judge spoke low to me and there was so much commotion in the court room that I could not hear a thing! I was left in a daze as I walked out of the court room and was asked did I understand anything. The reply was a very sad no because this also meant I did not know what I was going to do with the rest of my life. For more than 10 years I was lost and I tried everything under the sun. The friends that I had did not understand what was happening to me and as a result, I lost a lot of them during my 20’s. No one seemed to understand the displacement that I felt because from the outside looking into me, they felt there was no reason I couldn’t be as successful as they were. Having grown up right beside me, they had forgotten that I was truly deaf; they had forgotten that I had achieved so much with their love and vote of confidence in me. At some point I became just like them which was the great illusion because when I went to class on a college campus, they were not there. When I went to apply for a job, they were not there. I couldn’t turn to them and say, what did he/she say? Then share a laugh when I told them my interpretation.  This, my mother Julia Maree, said would be the true test of my friendships. She always told me, they would only be around for a season, but I never understood how deep that ran. 

So the more I faltered and my dreams deferred, the more it seemed my friends alienated themselves from me, the more I had to learn who Jesus was. The more I learned who he was/is, the more I blossomed. Now I know there are some people I know who don’t believe and you’ve used other methods to explain how you overcome or you believe that things were just you being where you needed to be. I know there are some that say I attract what I am……Then I must be Jesus, because he came to me and save me totally! He gave me purpose and he spoke through some very key people in my life that caused me to move beyond the mountains that I was facing. I am both proud and humble by the life I have lived so far. To those friends who alienated me when I was deeply troubled, it’s not your fault, you were simply being used to draw out God’s greatness in me……..